The New Year’s Honours List By Cliff Dixon
This is a parody and should be taken as one. Who ever does not has no sense of humour and should hang their heads in shame, they should take their PC brigade ideologies, their poor little sensibilities and stick them up their own rectums sideways.
Get a fucking life.
If there are any people or awards missing please feel free to request an addendum to the post.
Enjoy. I certainly did.
May I take this opportunity to wish all of my regular visitors a very happy 2012, and all of my not so regular visitors a good reason in the coming year to visit the page more often and achieve the same status come 2013!
Part of the traditions of the New Year in England include the honours list, which has caused some controversy this time around because of the inclusion of an investment banker who specialises in short selling and generous donations to the Conservative Party, and a man who served time at Her Majesty’s pleasure for his part in the Guinness Insurance scandal.
The cynical amongst us have been saying for years that the honours list is a way for the Politicians to reward their supporters as seen previously with the ‘cash for honours’ scandal that surrounded New Labour. Even as far back as the nineteen eighties, the BBC ‘Yes Minister’ team lampooned the practice in their series two episode, ‘Doing the honours’.
This got me to thinking – Who would I give honours to, and why? So, without further ado, I bring you the English Patriot New Year’s Honours list as complied by myself with help from Diddy Cat (Pictured above guarding the shortlist)
The Churchill Award for Bulldog spirit – I couldn’t separate two outstanding candidates for this award, so this year there will be two recipients. Step forward Eddie Bone,Chairman of the CEP (Campaign for an English Parliament) and Nigel Farage, leader of UKIP.
Eddie Bone – What can you say about a man who has spent years travelling the country arguing the case for England having her own Parliament in the face of initial indifference and lack of coverage?
2011 has truly been the year when Eddie’s perserverance has brought the English Question to the fore and has been rewarded with numerous appearances at various Political Party Conferences and on national and local radio. From being a little understood and ignored sideline on the edge of British Politics, the ‘West Lothian Question’ and the need for a rebalancing of the devolution settlement has entered the mainstream due in no small part to the sheer hard work of this man and his group of volunteers.
He also holds down a full time job and is active with the Workers of England Trade union.
For more details of the work that Eddie (right) carries out, please click on the link to the CEP website on the right hand side of our home screen.
Nigel Farage – What can be said about the Party Leader of UKIP that has not already been commented on in the media? A brilliant speaker, fierce defender of UK interest in the European Parliament and all round pain in the backside to the establishment. This year has seen UKIP support soar and the party challenging the Liberal Democrats as the third voice in English politics under his second spell as leader.
The Paul Daniels slight of hand award – Goes to Prime Minister David Cameron. His poll ‘bounce’ after use of the ‘veto’ in Europe on the Financial Services Tax shows that when people aren’t quite sure what hand you are holding you can convince them that you are winning the game when they haven’t looked deeper in to the rules.
Reality may intrude early in 2012 – Will he not like that!
The Oliver Cromwell Integrity Award – Goes to Labour MP and all round sound fellow Frank Field. Frank argues for his constituents and ignores Party whips on such matters as the EU Referendum vote when he feels that it is not in the best interests of the people he represents. If the Labour Party had more solid thinkers and men of integrity such as Frank, then they would be not just an effective opposition but the true representatives of the working man.
Einstein Award for Creative Thinking – Goes to Media Personality, Broadcaster and front man for Vote UK out of EU, Jon Gaunt.
‘Gaunty’ had led the calls for a Referendum on our membership of the EU, and when Westminster MP’s were told by their party leaders to vote the debate down he came up with the idea of having one anyway – In the constituencies of the leaders of the old three establishment parties!
This campaign will start to kick in over the next few weeks, running up to the referendum itself in May – Details via the link on our front page.
Neville Chamberlain award for strong leadership – Again, a tight one and I couldn’t separate the two main candidates for the award.
Step forward Labour Party Leader Ed Milliband and English Democrat’s Chairman Robin Tilbrook.
Ed Milliband – ‘Red Ed’ has singularly failed to unite his party and provide a credible opposition to the coalition government. In the worst financial downturn in living memory and with a wide open goal that even Fernando Torres on current form could hit, Labour trail the Tories in the opinion polls and Millibore Junior’s performance at Prime Minister’s Question Time could be compared in credibility to Jedward singing a Queen song.
It remains to be seen whether Mr Milliband will fare any better in 2012, but to borrow from one of his New Labour predecessors, ‘Things can only get better’.
Robin Tilbrook – De Facto ‘Leader’ of the self proclaimed ‘largest English Nationalist Party’, Robin has presided over a series of high profile gaffes from senior party members whilst failing to prevent an influx of new members from the upper echelons of the BNP, calling the Party’s Civic Nationalist credentials in to question.
A bumbling defence of an embarrassing leaked email on the BBC Politics show whilst sat in front of the logo of another party with a similar name but hard right views also did nothing to enhance either party or chairman’s reputations.
Add in contradictory statements on membership of the party (Advising one member via Facebook that a former far right luminary was not joining the party, whilst texting another member on the same day that he was and should be welcomed as a major coup) and the SE Area internal election that made a Mugabe poll result look almost believable and you have the kind of leadership that would almost qualify for the European Commission!
Whilst talking of the European commission….
The Will Shakespeare award for best actor and supporting actor in a farce – Step forward EU President Hermann ‘Rumpy Pumpy’ Van Rumpuoy and German Socialist MEP Martin Schultz.
Likened to a ‘damp rag’ by Nigel Farage, Mr Van Rumpuoy may no doubt have a career after leaving the EU Presidency as a pantomime villain. Herr Schultz (Who then Italian President Silvio Berlusconi likened to the mentally challengedSergeant Schultz in the TV show Hogan’s Heroes) would likewise make an excellent Widow Twankey, which is not far from the name I understand he is frequently called in the European Parliament by UK MEP’s.
The King Canute Award for holding out against the tide – Goes to veteran Conservative and Tarzan wannabe, Michael Heseltine. Despite all the woes of the European Union and the impending implosion of the Euro, Mr Heseltine insists that the UK must one day ditch the Pound and become a part of the bright new currency on the world stage. In view of the events of the last year, I think it may be time for the cocoa nurse.
The St Paul award for Damascene Conversions – Goes to that stalwart veteran of Nationalist politics, Eddy Butler. Eddy has been an ardent British nationalist for the last thirty years, initially with those fluffy and friendly guardians of the flag, the National Front, and afterwards with the British National Party (BNP) whose ‘rights for whites’ campaign he organised in the nineties.
After a fall out with the party leadership, Eddy left the BNP only to rejoin within a few years when their results improved at the polls. A further fall out over finances left him campaigning tirelessly against BNP leader Nick Griffin on his blog site, whilst a St Paul moment earlier this year two days after Andrew Brons lost a BNP leadership challenge convinced Eddy that the way forward was to campaign on an English platform and a civic nationalist ticket (Although he hasn’t given up his day job as a researcher for the afore mentioned BNP MEP Andrew Brons).
Further acclaim came in December via Telegraph writer Andrew Gilligan, who revealed details in his column of the fun and japes that Mr Butler and his fellow convert and Brons EU adviser Chris Beverley get up to at the expense of the English taxpayer whilst on European trips on behalf of their BNP boss.
Despite the claims of Mr Butler that whatever money is left over can be used in whichever way is required (According to Mr Gilligan’s article), Mr Beverley has yet to sort out either a decent haircut or a 1980′s Star Trek-Next Generation Romulan uniform to go with his existing one.
The light from Damascus seemed to shine brightly in 2011 as Butler and Beverley (Right) were joined in spreading the word leafletting for the English Democrat’s in the May local elections by such newly enlightened souls as Nick Cass and Kieran Trent, with Mark ‘Young, Nazi & Proud’ Collett designing the leaflets for the campaign and now running their newly revamped National website.
The Dyson Award for export – Goes to an unsung hero – Mike Roberts of the English wine company, Ridgeview.
Based in the South Downs in Sussex, Ridgeview are now producing some of the best quality sparkling wine in the world and have beaten the French at their own game more than once, winning the “Best Bottle fermented sparkling wine” award yet again in the 2011 International Wine & Spirit Competition against entrants from 85 countries worldwide.
Ridgeview Fitzrovia Rose was served by HM The Queen at Buckingham Palace during the state visit of President Obama to England, and Mike received a well deserved MBE for his services to the English Wine Industry in June.
For more details on Ridgeview, click on the link on the right hand side of our home page.
Our take on ‘The Darwin Awards’, which reward people who remove themselves from the gene pool in unusual and ingenious ways….
We have come up with ‘The Political Darwin award’, which celebrates the person who has most removed him or herself from any chance of electoral success in the ‘party political gene pool’. The standard this year was very high (or is that low?), with the likes of Nick Clegg, George Galloway and Nick Griffin all vying for position. But there can be only one winner (or is that loser?) in this category, and without further ado we announce…..
The Political Darwin award for 2011 goes to…..Steve Uncles (English Democrats)
What can we say about the performance of ‘The Political Brain’ during 2011? Starting off with his misconduct charge at the January English Democrats National Council meeting for attempting to bribe the London Vice-Chairman in to taking on former BNP GLA member Richard Barnbrook for 2012, it has all been downhill from there.
Kicked off the National Council on a unanimous vote (Which was counted as a resignation because Robin Tilbrook had his resignation letter ready in case of that eventuality) in February, he turned up as a ‘Party Spokesman’ on the BBC just a few weeks later in front of the Houses of Parliament – Probably the nearest he will ever get to elected office.
April Fools Day saw the vindictive nature of the beast as he posted a story about the death of Nigel Farage on his English Passport blog site, apparently in a plane crash caused by Republican terrorists – Ironic, considering that Uncles had emailed Sinn Fein in 2009 offering to ‘further their aims on the doorsteps of England’ for a donation of £200k to the ED fighting fund, an email that had leaked in late 2010. It would appear that SF took him about as seriously as the rest of us by not replying, although it has not stopped him putting up a post on the government petitions website to have Northern Ireland kicked out of the Union, a strange position for someone to take who claims to be a Democrat yet does not want to give the people of Ulster a say in their own future?
May saw the local elections, and Uncles proudly proclaiming that the ED had enough candidates standing to take control of Dartford Council in their ‘stronghold’ area. Two newspaper headlines from the Dartford free press later concerning his taunting of a suicide victim as a ‘Nazi’ and his posting of a racist joke on an open internet forum (Which he claimed at the time was not him but the actions of a hacker, yet he told the press was an ‘experiment’) and the ED vote collapsed. Nobody elected, with Uncles finishing with the lowest percentage of any ED candidate, beaten in his own ward by two paper candidates and an independent who was deselected by the ED and had polled over five times the percentage of Uncles in the previous election in the same area. The local resident’s association got more votes – He blamed the failure on a ‘vicious’ Tory smear campaign.
Most normal people at this point would have realised that their baggage was holding their political career and their party back – Not Uncles, who had read a book by an American Political theorist.
Despite his far right links and attempts by fair or foul to recruit ex-BNP luminaries, the Sinn Fein begging email, the taunting of a suicide victim, poor taste attacks on political adversaries (Both inside and outside the ED) and the most obnoxious and factually challenged blog on the net, Uncles decided that it was time to get back on to the ruling council of The English Democrats. In a campaign notable for it’s lack of checks to ensure fair play, Uncles was re-elected on a turnout of 24-18. His opponent, Sean Varnham, did not have proper membership lists to canvass until well after the voting slips had gone out and strangely enough many of his members in the Medway branch found their memberships ‘not in good standing’ due to a strange error in the collection of direct debits just before the election. The NC had stated that an overview of Uncles’ ‘resignation’ should be included with the electoral material, but it strangely never went out – Party Chairman Robin Tilbrook ‘apologised’ for the oversight at the October 2011 NC meeting before welcoming the Dartford Warbler back on to the committee.
Most of the Medway branch, including elected councillor Ron Sands and Sean Varnham himself, resigned soon afterwards.
They joined a long list of decent activists leaving the party in droves due to the actions of one man – Steve Uncles.
Those who wonder if this award is merited should visit his English Passport blog to see him taking up in 2012 where he left off in 2011 – Truly a man hell bent on keeping his award (If not getting elected in any ward) in the new year!
What do you think of the English Patriot New Year’s Honours list? Is there someone deserving who Diddy Cat and myself have missed off? We hope you have enjoyed this part serious, part sarcastic and part downright silly awards list for 2011, and look forward to your comments.